Cutthroat Island (Originally posted to IGN)

I wrote an earlier draft of this as a user review at IGN.com, so the posting can also be viewed in a less polished form here, under the title "A better female pirate than Elizabeth Swann, weighed down by a bad 90s script."

Title: Cutthroat Island
Copyright: 1995 by MGM, DVD distributed by Lionsgate, through Studio Canal
Starring: Geena Davis, Matthew Modine, and Frank Langella
Running Time: 119 minutes
Score: 6/10
Buy?: Buy at Amazon.com for $9.98 or less.

Let's get one thing straight, here: Cutthroat Island is hardly cinema gold. It wasn't a sleeper film. It wasn't even that much of a cult film. The fact of the matter is that Lionsgate tried to make a Pirate movie at a point in time when there was no market for one, and there wouldn't be one until the surprise success of Pirates of the Caribbean in the next decade. Compared to other action/adventure films of the time that were not adult enough to garner an R rating, though, the many flaws this movie had (poor 90s dialogue, inexplicable explosions worthy of a Troma film, and less-than-okay creature effects in places, for instance) were pretty much par for the course for movies of the time -- most of which were better received critically and financially than this movie.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about what's good about the movie. After the success of the PotC franchise, Cutthroat Island received a slight spike in sales when the DVD was released and banished to the bargain bins in Wal-Marts. No one should be surprised by this. When Pirates fans were in the stores, a DVD selling for five bucks with the right kind of plotline for pirate-enthusiasts was just appealing enough to be bought on impulse, which is actually how I found it. (We'll talk about my unhealthy tolerance for the Pirates movies in later entries.)

Base reaction? For a five-dollar DVD, the story actually wasn't that bad, and don't let the summary fool you. But since this movie has only seen sales recently because of the popularity of certain Johnny Depp populated movies, it seems only fair to compare it to Pirates of the Caribbean in places, since this is obviously the audience that will buy the most copies.

The first thing I'll hand to the makers of Cutthroat Island is that historically it's a little easier to place -- maybe not historically accurate, but if you're watching a campy 90s adventure flick, you're out of your mind for looking for accuracy to begin with. You're seeing Port Royale and the Caribbean Isles during the reign of King Charles II -- a time period only briefly glimpsed in the PotC franchise at the start of the first film. (How can you tell in PotC? Their wigs are all brown at the start, and when it flashes forward, they're all gray and white. It's the only nod you get to the time period in all three movies.) But, if you're obsessive enough to try and tie Cutthroat Island to the franchise, (and don't listen to Wikipedia when it says CI is referenced in the first Pirates movie; this is inaccurate) you can just go ahead and lie to yourself, saying that the adventures of Morgan Adams took place when Jack Sparrow was still in diapers. (Okay, maybe not diapers. But he's probably at an age where bugs are more interesting than girls.)

None of the mysticism of the PotC franchise is present in this film, so there'll be no sea monsters or cursed treasures -- in fact superstition in general is severely underplayed here. The story focuses upon Morgan Adams (Geena Davis), the daughter of pirate Captain Black Harry Adams, who appears to have been raised aboard her daddy's ship -- at most times. At the start of the film she's on land somewhere enjoying herself at the mutual expense of some pompous French soldier. Considered a pirate in her own right (with a hefty sum on her head, too, but you wouldn't blame government officials for wanting to bring her in; she apparently causes a lot of property damage wherever she goes), she starts out seemingly a lot more attracted to the "let's get drunk and laid" aspect of being an outlaw and a little less about staying on her father's ship and getting work done.

When her uncle, Dawg Brown (Frank Langella -- surprisingly fit and imposing as a villain in this film), goes seeking parts of a treasure map that each of the other men in their family possess, her father is fatally wounded just as she is called back to the ship to help him. They escape before Dawg can claim Harry's piece of the map, which incidentally is tattooed onto his scalp. Before he dies, he tells Morgan to take the map piece and his ship, and get the treasure before her uncle does. This scene is not overplayed -- Morgan is initially angry and emotional, but Harry talks her down. This is important, and they're pirates. There's no crying in piracy. I was worried that I would be seeing the cliche "father-slaying" scene from Dragonheart all over again, and was pleasantly surprised that the filmmakers didn't lazily decide to make Morgan's entire quest about revenge against her uncle. It's not. It's a race to her grandfather's treasure trove, and she's been given a job to do.

She accepts her task and her father's ship, but only a choice few members of the crew are willing to trust her with leadership (with good reason -- chain of command is being upset, for one, and for another, she has a reputation even among other pirates for racking up damage and being a pain in the ass). Among those willing to trust her are the quartermaster, Blair, the cabin boy, Bowen -- an object of fierce protectiveness among the crew, and Morgan's bodyguard, Glasspoole (played by Stan Shaw -- who you'll be surprised to learn, in spite of racial stereotyping common in some films of the time, is not the "slave" mentioned in the summary on the IGN website and the DVD cover).

Unable to read the Latin passages on their piece of the map, they travel to Port Royale to find someone who can. Enter William Shaw (Matthew Modine), a petty thief with some learning, who has been imprisoned for being, well, a petty thief. And for assuming that he's charming. If this character doesn't annoy you, then you yourself may be annoying. Like all area criminals at this time (including captured pirates), he is to be auctioned off as a slave (and if no one buys him, he hangs) -- which is fairly accurate for the time. We come to learn, as does Morgan (disguised as a shopping noble), that he also reads and speaks Latin, and claims to be a doctor. Unfortunately for Morgan later, the latter is only a claim.

Once he has been absorbed into the main plot, the rest of the film revolves around finding the last piece of the map (and getting it from Morgan's other, less scary uncle), finding the treasure, and eventually the final battle between Morgan's ship and Dawg Brown's, which is by itself pretty impressive.

Here's Where it Fails: The place where this film fails is chiefly the dialogue. As with most adventure films of the time, it's fairly cheesy and unrealistic. I cringe when the characters of Morgan and Shaw are hinted at being "in love" when the two actors clearly read their characters as being physically attracted to one another and little more beyond that. Some of the most tense moments lose their edge because of a horrid one liner or two. Morgan's dialogue, in particular, can be pretty bad, even unrealistic, and you can't tell if it's a fault of the writing or because she quite clearly assumes a different persona depending upon who she is with. Around her men, she's more business like. Around strangers, she's less formal. When she's trying to impress somebody? She's too formal. Failure in writing? Maybe, but at least it makes her look like a legitimately flawed character.

That being said: The action is surprisingly good. Like I said before, there are one or two explosions that defy physics, but that's the only complaint I have. It will not have the same level of random ninja stunts and swashbuckling as PotC did, but this is not a flaw. There is a good deal of brawling to be had, especially in the last 30 minutes of the film, but it's done a tad more realistically than PotC managed, simply because the filmmakers acknowledge that it's hard to depict two full crews, sporting 30+ armed men each, fencing on deck when there simply is no room for that kind of mass swordplay. The fights have a few little flashy stunts here and there, but overall, the weapons are heavy and are handled like they're heavy. (For instance, you don't see anything like Kiera Knightley's karate moves with a solid gold bo staff in hand that should weigh more than she does, as in PotC 1.) The battles on deck are chaotic, one battle bumping into another as the crewmen fight just as much for elbow room as victory.

Here's my main gush: While we're on the subject of choreography, I want to say, here, that this is where Geena Davis as Morgan Adams absolutely shined as a female action hero. Because of the way she fights with men, I would argue that she's a better feminist example of a girl pirate than Kiera Knightley ever was, and a better feminist action hero than any figure you could mention in current films -- superhero films included. Elizabeth Swann, in the course of three movies, became comparably one of the better fighters in the series for no reason, and as a pirate, a lot of unnecessary attention was drawn to the fact that she was a woman. She also never seemed to take a single blow. It makes her a horrible role model and action hero because she doesn't ever overcome adversity; she is just suddenly and inexplicably a million times better than any man or monster that opposes her. Take the most hardcore female action character today, and I guarantee that if she's faced off with a man, she will never take a punch to the face, for instance, and that's a sexist double standard. If the scene requires the fight to be brutal and tear-out, then she will inflict more pain and brutal injury on her opponent than she will ever receive, herself. This is almost a rule. A man can't hit a woman in the face even if they're in a no holds barred fight with each other. A man cannot be seen to do serious physical damage to a woman unless it's meant to instill horror (and is typically reserved for R rated movies), but a woman can beat the stupid out of a man and in as graphic detail as the director desires, and it will never hurt his rating. We see this repeated in Pirates of the Caribbean, in Watchmen, even in episodes of South Park ('Breast Cancer Show Ever' is a notable episode for this). This is not empowering. It's just saying that a woman being violent is more socially acceptable than a man being violent.

Morgan Adams defies these rules. Her fights are not overly flourished or stylized; she'll jump right in and have a good old fashioned scrap with anyone. (I noted though that she goes for the family jewels a lot -- considering she was raised on a shipful of pirates, this shouldn't surprise anyone from a characterization standpoint; she wasn't always a fully grown Geena Davis.) Her weapons are heavy in her hands. She takes numerous on-camera blows, punches to the face, slices, gunshots, and she gets up and keeps fighting -- not as though they don't phase her, but more like she's accustomed to pain and knows how to soldier through it when her life is on the line. You will not see this from a female character in many other action films, save for the best ones. She also never falls into the 'tough heroine' cliche, where you see all her guts and bravery and gusto for most of the film, only to find her helpless and in need of rescuing during the final fight. No one saves Morgan Adams besides Morgan Adams, herself, even in the face of Dawg Brown, of whom she is clearly quite afraid.

In Conclusion: This review has carried on a bit. For a couple hours of fun, five to ten bucks isn't a whole lot to pay. As I said, this movie is legitimately flawed in places, but it never claims to be Oscar-worthy material, either. For the price, and for its better qualities, putting up with the crappy dialogue is well worth it. Don't miss it if you have the spare time. Despite the scoring only being slightly above average (my rating on IGN was higher, but that was based on their scoring and not mine), the DVD fairy highly recommends this film.